Style as a Tool for Body Acceptance in Midlife
We’ve been living in Berlin for about a month now. A month! More often than not, it feels longer than a month except we don’t have our furniture or other things (yet), so in that way it still very much feels like a new, not yet settled stage. Oh, how I long to be past this part…
Right after we arrived, a friend from home asked if I’d met any new friends yet and my initial reaction—following shock—was defensive. It takes me forever to build friendships in English (hi, I’m an introvert), let alone in a foreign country where I barely speak the language. Fortunately, my crew of close friends has willingly transitioned from texting to WhatsApp just for yours truly, and we haven’t missed a beat. I’ve been Marco Poloing with a few of them, too.
Enter: Marco Polo (and Unexpected Side Effects)
Marco Polo is a video messaging app (if you’re not familiar). Admittedly, when a friend tried to convince me to start using it, I wasn’t into it. I felt weird videoing myself talking to her, but now I’m a convert. I talk to her—and another friend—multiple times a week now. While it’s been super for staying in regular contact with them, it does have an unexpected side effect: negative self-talk.
More often than not, either one of my friends or I will, within the first few seconds of starting our Marco Polo video, critique our own appearance. It sounds like this:
“I’m a wreck today!”
“Sorry my hair’s such a mess.”
“What is going on with my eyes?”
“Ugh, these bags under my eyes.”
“I hate all these lines I’m getting around my lips.”
“Look at my roots! My grays are so bad.”
I could go on and on, but you get the point. We all do it. I call them out on it–and I call out myself, too, when I catch myself doing it.
Mean Midlife Mirror Talk
It took me until I reached midlife to begin working on unlearning all the mean things I’ve said to myself, about myself, over the years. I grew agitated with how that spiral made me feel, and I also don’t want to model nasty negative self-talk in front of my impressionable tween daughter.
But it’s hard. And, I get it, because I’m navigating midlife myself. My body’s changed (and continues to–are we done yet?!), my career has changed, and as always—no matter how hard I try to muffle the noise—societal pressure to try and “fix” my body is there. As a personal stylist, I hear this all the time from clients. They use words like “frumpy” and “boring” to describe their style. They say things like:
“...my relaxed style makes me look lazy.”
“...rarely feel confident in what I am wearing.”
“I'm not wearing my most fun or flattering clothing, going for blah colors and things that are easy to throw on.”
And I do it, too. I’ve rifled through my closet looking for the right thing to wear to a party at my neighbor’s, a networking event, various things at my daughter’s school (because I don’t want to be that mom, but I also don’t want to be that mom). I’ve stress-shopped—always begrudgingly—because nothing in my closet worked.
How I Stop the Negative Self-Talk Cycle
In this stage of midlife, when I’ve become more self-aware and more focused on not beating myself up constantly, and not dishing out negative self-talk, I’ve come to realize I don’t need a new body. I need a better relationship with the body I have, and I need to use my clothes to help me achieve that.
Here’s what’s helped me:
I stopped hanging onto clothes that make me feel bad.
This might be the hardest step. But every time I passed by jeans that no longer fit or a dress I “should” love because it was expensive but I never wore it, I felt guilty. But if it doesn’t fit or feel like me, it doesn’t belong in my closet–so I let it go.
I style my clothes with intention.
This is the fun part! You don’t need a whole new wardrobe; you need simple styling tweaks so you like how you look in your clothes and feel like you again. How can you be intentional with styling your outfits?
Cuff your sleeves to make a button-down feel relaxed, not stiff.
Add a belt. It’s not your enemy–even if you have a midlife tummy.
Pop your collar.
Tie a scarf around your neck—or even around your handbag.
Carry an interesting handbag—one with color or texture. It doesn’t have to match; it just needs to show you know what you’re doing.
The best part? There are no rules to follow, and you can play around with endless ideas.
How This Helps Quiet Negative Self-Talk
When you look in the mirror and like what you see—because you’re looking at someone who’s stylish, put-together and knows what she’s doing—there’s no room for negative self-talk. That voice starts to fade. You’re not distracted by weird proportions or a top you actually hate. You’re not tugging at clothes that don’t fit quite right.
Instead, you feel… good–like yourself.
Need Help Finding That Feeling?
This is exactly the kind of work I do with clients: editing out only those pieces that no longer work, zeroing in on what works now and helping you understand how to dress to show up feeling like yourself. Midlife is the perfect time to get started. Are you ready? Hop on my waitlist to get first access to my services late summer 2025.
