When Did Social Events Become Fashion Emergencies?
“Come comfy. It’s cold and snuggly out.”
This is the kind of text I like to be on the receiving end of when it’s cold and rainy, and it’s the actual text a friend sent one night recently when our families were getting together for dinner at their house. I already had an idea of what I was going to wear, but this made things even simpler for me. (If you’re curious, I chose my comfy but polished SPANX AirEssentials Wide Leg Pants, a colorful, striped, loose-knit sweater and my silver Vionic penny loafers for a little shine.)
It’s not always this easy, though.
I’ve been there, and I’m sure you have, too—blankly staring at my closet, mildly panicked, hours before a casual-ish family or friend get-together, a concert, an event at my daughter’s school, a networking coffee with complete strangers. My usual outfits feel all wrong.
When did dressing for girls’ night with wine and Mahjong become so complicated?
We’ve all been there. What's everyone else wearing? Will you look too dressed up? Not dressed up enough? As you rifle through your closet, nothing feels right. You've got a closet full of clothes that work for your everyday life, but somehow, these social events feel like style emergencies waiting to happen, and more often than you care to admit, result in a last-minute stress-shopping trip to Target.
But deep down, you know it's not really about the clothes.
You're really seeking the ability to show up as yourself, to feel comfortable in your own skin while still fitting the occasion. You want to walk into that family gathering, social outing or school event feeling like you—not like you're wearing a costume or trying to be someone you're not.
The challenge? Social events come with unwritten dress codes and expectations that seem to change constantly. The illustrious going-out top you wore in your 30s might not feel quite right now. Add in the pressure of social media, where everyone's outfits look perfectly curated, and it's no wonder getting dressed for these occasions feels overwhelming.
I would argue we don’t need details on the dress code—we need a mindset shift. Many women think, "I need to dress a certain way for this event," when the real empowering thought is, "I need to dress like myself for this event." The difference may seem subtle, but it's transformative.
Instead of trying to fit an imaginary dress code, you focus on expressing your personal style within the event's context.
Rather than worrying about what everyone else is wearing, you consider what makes you feel comfortable and confident.
You stop seeing social events as style emergencies and start viewing them as opportunities to showcase your authentic self.
How I Approach Dressing for Social Events as a Stylist
Admittedly, I didn’t truly have a handle on dressing for social events until recent years. I was guilty of last-minute panic shopping (which almost always resulted in returning the panic buys because I didn’t wear them anyway). Sometimes I’d text a friend to ask what she was wearing to make sure my vibe matched.
I wish I could pinpoint a specific how, when or why I pushed past the challenge of dressing for social events, but I can’t (I blame midlife brain fog). I believe a big part of it for me was lived experience, thinking differently about how I present myself in the world and simply putting less pressure on myself. No more effs to give, right? I also got more comfortable with my style overall and got a better handle on things; I focused on silhouettes that work for my body, but really honed in on wearing what I like. And I look at my wardrobe as one wardrobe, something I’ve done for well over a decade now, ever since I stopped working in an office. I don’t have a work wardrobe and a weekend wardrobe—I have one wardrobe and I use the pieces as I see fit; I encourage my clients to do the same.
This means when I’m working at my desk at home, going to a parent event at my daughter’s school or meeting a friend for a glass of wine, I’ll likely be wearing the same thing, just styled slightly differently. I’m a big fan of a button-up shirt, and even more so, silk blouses (so many good washable silk options these days), so I’ll wear one of those and pair it with jeans, trousers, or maybe even joggers or leggings, depending on where I’m going and the look I’m going for. I might add a layer or a scarf, I’ll definitely put on jewelry and I’ll bring in texture or color with my purse. It makes getting dressed effortless, truly.
As evidenced by three of four outfits here, clearly I am a big fan of white button-ups!
If you've already developed a style that works for your everyday life, you’re halfway there. The key isn't to create a completely different style for social events—it's to adapt your personal style to different settings while staying true to yourself.
Tell me in the comments: what social event causes you the most style anxiety?
